I wish I could describe what about this game was able to fundamentally change who I am, but words simply will never do it justice. My body is now trained to only need sleep during the game's loading screens, and I have become the #1 player worldwide. This is also how I have been able to use the bathroom. The divorce and move were all done without ever putting the game down, thanks to my Nintendo Switch™ and its handheld mode. I divorced my partner, who somehow did not reach the same enlightenment as I, quit my job, and now live in a studio apartment in Alaska, alone with only a servant I hired using my life savings to hand-feed me while I continue playing. I sped to the store, purchased a Nintendo Switch™ and a copy of Garfield Kart: Furious Racing, went home, and began playing. He let out a short chuckle and replied "Oh, that's Garfield Kart for the Switch." That was the sentence that changed my life. As soon as the door opened and I could see my friend, the words "WHAT WAS ON THAT TV?" came crashing out of my mouth, engulfed in panic. I rushed to the door and started pounding. My heart sank as some emotion came over me that I had not felt in all my life. I stood peering through that window for what had to have been two minutes, though it could just as easily have been two decades. It was a screen on which a cat was displayed, racing through a neighborhood though that description alone falls laughably short of doing justice to the marvel I beheld. It immediately piqued my interest, and I took a few steps closer for a better view. I was passing by the house of a close friend on my daily walk through the neighborhood when I caught a glimpse through his window of something I had never seen before.
Garfield Kart: Furious Racing took me completely by surprise. I thought that surely life couldn't be better. I had a highly lucrative career that excited me each day, a soul mate that I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to spend my life with, and several million dollars invested that would one day enable us to travel the world together.
This review contains spoilers, click expand to view.
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